Why do we hold so tight?

I have been wondering the last couple of days why we hold so tight to things that may be ok but could be incredibly wrong. So many of us seem to think that the tighter we hold onto something the better it will get . . . unfortunately what tends to happen is we squeeze what little happiness, joy and life there is left in it out and the process leaves us feeling worse than before. Now we are left still squeezing something even though we squeezed it to death. It just lays there flat and lifeless and we wonder why.

I am guilty of this in so many situations. I have done this in a marriage, with a boyfriend, at two jobs, and with countless bad habits including the way I have dealt with money. Holding on too tight when the right thing for far too long was to just stop and change direction. I once heard a quote and I have no idea who said it but it goes something like this, “When you find yourself beating your head against a brick wall . . . stop.”

Why do we do this? It certainly doesn’t make us feel good or bring out the best in us. I think there are different reasons for different people and we can even change our reasons depending on circumstance. Fear of failure, the pain of letting go, fear of the unknown, and even the work it takes to move forward and do something different all keep us from making a change. Now, I am not saying that everything that gets uncomfortable in our life requires us to simply let go and not hold on. There are certainly times and situations when we should all hold on and give it our all. How else could we possibly determine when something is good enough to continue working on and when something is just on the other side of crappy and should be let to fly away into our past clearing out our present and opening up our future.

Big changes like what I recently took on are not for everyone but that doesn’t mean that you can’t make some little changes. Say no to something you hate doing but feel you have to . . . you don’t. If you hate your job, look everyday for a new one. Be active in finding the change you need so that you don’t have to hold so tight to things that don’t want to hold back . . . it is exhausting and it eats you up inside. I used job as an example because it is something that I used to “get through” 40 hours a week. That is a lot of time spent not living my best life. This applies to everything you do. Try something new, give someone a chance, and do not resign yourself to the life you are now living if it isn’t what you want. We all deserve better . . . we deserve contentment, happiness, and joy. We all deserve do overs! It was true in kickball and it is true in life. Pencils come with erasers, mistakes can be undone, and we can release our grip on the insanity in our lives.

Every day we make choices and for years, I, like so many of us, chose complacency. I just kept doing the same thing day in and day out and yet I kept expecting some different results. Now that was just crazy . . . this is in part what led to what I am calling my mid-life crisis. The more I do without and the more I analyze the years that brought me to where I am today the happier I become. I am more broke than I have been since my daughter was a toddler and I was a single mom. Overall I am more satisfied with the entirety of my life than I have been since as long as I can remember, and this feeling is priceless!