I hate my monitor . . .

If there is one thing, I know for sure it is that I hate moving. I don’t hate the idea of being/going somewhere new. I am not afraid I will not fit in because frankly, I am the “fun one” most places I go and am a quite likeable person. It isn’t even the time or cost that comes with it. For me the loathing of moving comes from the physical process of having to pack up my stuff and move it somewhere else because I tell you what . . . I have a crap ton of stuff. This goes for my house and my desk at work. Having set the stage you can guess how happy I was this week to be moving desks at work. I moved approximately 30 feet. Three cubes down from where I was already sitting. Lucky for me I have been here for less than 5 months and never even brought all my desk stuff from Idaho to my new desk. Therefore, I had to only move a half crap-ton of stuff 30 feet. Oh goodie!

When it came time to start the move I had to lead off. I was headed to an empty desk so it only made sense that my stuff could go there and then the person moving to my desk could begin after I was moved and a round robin of crazy moving madness commenced. What we do not move are our computers and equipment. A Special Forces unit comes to take care of this much-classified stealthy process. The equipment is actually chained and locked to the desks allowing for no funny business or unauthorized equipment tampering. Now, this being my first big desk move here at my new job I was unaware of the process so when the tech ninjas showed up and I was on my way out for the day I made my first mistake . . . I asked a question! These ninjas are all knowing and all powerful over hard drives, monitors, keyboards, mice and phones so when I questioned them they took offense.

I asked if our monitors would be going to our new desks with us. They stared at me as if I had asked them to eat my cube neighbor . . . alive. The ninja master then came closer and said, “The monitors stay.” Oh, no . . . here comes mistake number two, I pointed out the obvious, followed by another question. “Well,” I say timidly, “I was only wondering because the desk I am moving to has no equipment and I was curious if at my new desk I would have the larger monitor.”

I must interject here that I ask this for a very specific reason. I am blind. Not like eye patch, glass eye, can’t get a driver’s license blind but blind in that if the screen is too small I have to stick my face right up to the damn thing in order to actually read my work.

Ok, so back to the story. I ask about the larger monitor and the ninja master looks at his ninja posse disgusted with my question and says, “You get what you get.” I think, ok maybe they have the option and possibly, if they understood about my blindness they would take pity on me and give me a larger monitor. WRONG! Mistake number three, ninjas want no explanations. One of the posse ninjas in the special forces of all that is IT and holy says, “We will back fill with whatever we have so you just get what you get.” This conversation is going nowhere and I should have left work about 15 minutes ago, so I give up and leave, figuring maybe, just maybe when I come in tomorrow by some miracle there will be a big monitor for me.

Morning comes and when I arrive at my desk what do you suppose I find . . . did you say large monitor? Well if you did you are wrong my friend. I found on my desk a small monitor and a ninja pubic hair . . . no lie. How does that even happen???? From now on I will not piss off the ninjas.

Dear small Monitor,

I hate you!

Tracy