It all hurts!!

Exercise sucks! Do not let the crazies who partake in these satanic rituals of running, jumping, and climbing trees fool you. Every year or two I get some crazy thought in my head and think, “Oh, I should really get some activity in my life. It would be super good for me, maybe even fun.” I think this happens after someone slips some type of work out roofie in my drink and I become completely insane thus signing up for a gym, exercise classes and even tap dancing once. I come out of this drugged coma shortly after the first session has ended wondering what the hell happened and why I feel so terrible . . . like I have been violated!

My most recent moment of insanity had me sign up (with my two carpool buddies) for two, not one, but count them one . . . two beat me to hell all while listening to fun music classes through the local community center. The first one is called Butts and Gutts and as an science experiment of how quick a person can wish for death perhaps, we signed up for a Boot Camp too. Did I mention these two doses of hour-long hell happen back to back??? So, every Tuesday I bend, twist, lift, lunge, balance, run, plank, squat for about 20 minutes. About that time my mind goes numb as my limbs turn to Jell-O and I spend the other 100 minutes looking like an idiot as I try not to fall off the ball, drop the sand bag, or hit anyone with my heavy bar, likely drooling on myself in my coma like state.

Afterwards I go home, eat something, shower and fall into bed knowing that the next day it will hurt . . . it will all hurt. The only thing good about it is I know it is 7 whole days before I will do it again . . . there are 9 weeks left and I am telling you now, the end can’t come fast enough.

Quick FYI: If any of you think after nine more weeks, I will have found a new appreciation for this type of activity I would say you are quite mistaken. Let’s make a quick list . . . Things I will never find an appreciation for no matter what . . . tomatoes, dog fighting, grey hair, squash (the vegetables), my second ex-husband, paying taxes and exercise, there are likely more but you get the idea.

I would write more but my . . . well, everything hurts.